Hi there.

Welcome. Bienvenue. Gesundheit.

This is the internet home of Kristopher Bone, Canadian humorist, writer, and current holder of the world record for least success on Tinder. You can just toss your coat on the couch.

I write about my life. Sometimes, about other people’s lives. Sometimes I’ll write about movies or food or informercials or shoes. I hope you get a kick out of it.

As of September of 2016, I’m in an MFA program at the University of Guelph, and this has taken a (substantial) back seat to my fiction writing, but I still get the emails when people leave me disparaging comments, so I’m around.

If you have questions/money for me, hit the Get In Touch option up top. Otherwise, strap on your fun pants, and take a seat.

Below, I’ve got answers to some common questions the KristopherBone dot com team (it’s just me) gets on a regular basis.

So, wait… is this stuff all true?

The short answer is: yes.

This is a non-fiction blog. Anything you’re reading is either true, or will be clearly tagged otherwise. With that in mind, do remember that I call myself a humorist, not a journalist. Names, for example, will likely be changed more often than not, especially if the content involved could be considered even remotely embarrassing in any way. (eg. women who made the questionable decision to date me will definitely have their names altered.) I will also likely change any major identifying details of their appearance. I’m always happy to own up to my own stories, but I feel like other people should be at least given the benefit of a pseudonym.

Where concerns smaller details, if memory doesn’t quite serve, I will more than likely insert details to the best of my ability. If something strikes you as suspicious and you, for whatever reason, have to know if it’s true or not, drop me a line. I’m happy to clear up any confusion.

I’m in your story…

…and I’m offended about it 😡

Yikes, woof. Sorry.

Obviously I don’t set out to make anyone upset or embarrassed. If you are either in one of my pieces or the subject of one of my pieces and you can a) prove it, and b) explain to me why you think it needs to be removed, I will take that seriously. If for some reason I disagree and do not want to take it down, I will gladly change any identifying details and do my best to scrub you from the story where possible.

…and I feel like a celebrity 🙂

Swell! Tell your friends.

Where do you get your ideas?

CHOOSE YOUR OWN SMARTASS ANSWER:

A) I steal them from the most creative monkeys down at the lipstick testing centre.

B) The Internet.

C) I do a lot of drugs, and that offers me a greater creative vista on the world. (No mom, not really.)

D) I didn’t get hugged enough as a child, and now coming up with snazzy writing for strangers on the internet is the only way I can get the attention I so deeply crave.