I’m not normally a big “prank” guy. Pranks, to me, are like Halloween: fun in theory, way too much work in practice. Every year, I spend months… Read more “Mail Call: The Great Paul Blart: Mall Cop mailing campaign of 2015.”
Category: Non-Fiction
Summer’s here! (For at least the next twenty or thirty minutes.)
Here in Toronto, today’s weather is criminally gorgeous. Fourteen degrees celsius, sun glowing benignly, clouds sparse. It’s mid-afternoon as I write this, the sun just past its… Read more “Summer’s here! (For at least the next twenty or thirty minutes.)”
That time I got hired at a Hooters.
I’ve got a friend who was once an undertaker. Or an undertaker’s apprentice, maybe; I can never remember. Either way, he’s got the kind of stories that… Read more “That time I got hired at a Hooters.”
Funny, Bone (Chapter One): Bombing, Dying, Falling Flat.
This is the first in a series of multiple posts. How many will there be? Who knows. When will Chapter Two appear? Also a mystery. Surprises are… Read more “Funny, Bone (Chapter One): Bombing, Dying, Falling Flat.”
Just a Tip: Tipping, Empathy, and Eating Shit.
In Japan, I’m told, it’s considered insulting to tip your waiter. Apparently, so the story goes, since the waitstaff are paid a real wage, to attempt to… Read more “Just a Tip: Tipping, Empathy, and Eating Shit.”
My Barber Wants a Divorce.
I’m considering trying to find a new barber. It’s got nothing to do with the price, or with the quality of the haircuts I get, either. At… Read more “My Barber Wants a Divorce.”
Riding the Cinnamon Donkey: Art, Writing, Futility, and Fun.
At a gallery show a few years ago, my favourite piece was hanging from a pushpin in the bathroom, just over the back of the toilet. The… Read more “Riding the Cinnamon Donkey: Art, Writing, Futility, and Fun.”
Bone Voyage: An inoculation against the travel bug, Part II.
For those of you just joining us now: Hi. How are you? Have you eaten today? This is the second half of a two-part article—part one can… Read more “Bone Voyage: An inoculation against the travel bug, Part II.”
Bone Voyage: an inoculation against the Travel Bug, Part I.
When I was seventeen, freshly graduated from high school, I wanted to travel the world. I craved adventure. I wanted to hop trains in Germany, float down… Read more “Bone Voyage: an inoculation against the Travel Bug, Part I.”
Baby’s First Bachelor Pad.
In my apartment, our landlord has seen fit to call the shared wifi signal “LovelyView.” She’s not wrong, I guess. The house looks out over one of… Read more “Baby’s First Bachelor Pad.”
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