I’m not normally a big “prank” guy. Pranks, to me, are like Halloween: fun in theory, way too much work in practice. Every year, I spend months… Read more “Mail Call: The Great Paul Blart: Mall Cop mailing campaign of 2015.”
Summer’s here! (For at least the next twenty or thirty minutes.)
Here in Toronto, today’s weather is criminally gorgeous. Fourteen degrees celsius, sun glowing benignly, clouds sparse. It’s mid-afternoon as I write this, the sun just past its… Read more “Summer’s here! (For at least the next twenty or thirty minutes.)”
That time I got hired at a Hooters.
I’ve got a friend who was once an undertaker. Or an undertaker’s apprentice, maybe; I can never remember. Either way, he’s got the kind of stories that… Read more “That time I got hired at a Hooters.”
Funny, Bone (Chapter One): Bombing, Dying, Falling Flat.
This is the first in a series of multiple posts. How many will there be? Who knows. When will Chapter Two appear? Also a mystery. Surprises are… Read more “Funny, Bone (Chapter One): Bombing, Dying, Falling Flat.”
Just a Tip: Tipping, Empathy, and Eating Shit.
In Japan, I’m told, it’s considered insulting to tip your waiter. Apparently, so the story goes, since the waitstaff are paid a real wage, to attempt to… Read more “Just a Tip: Tipping, Empathy, and Eating Shit.”
My Barber Wants a Divorce.
I’m considering trying to find a new barber. It’s got nothing to do with the price, or with the quality of the haircuts I get, either. At… Read more “My Barber Wants a Divorce.”
Riding the Cinnamon Donkey: Art, Writing, Futility, and Fun.
At a gallery show a few years ago, my favourite piece was hanging from a pushpin in the bathroom, just over the back of the toilet. The… Read more “Riding the Cinnamon Donkey: Art, Writing, Futility, and Fun.”
Bone Voyage: An inoculation against the travel bug, Part II.
For those of you just joining us now: Hi. How are you? Have you eaten today? This is the second half of a two-part article—part one can… Read more “Bone Voyage: An inoculation against the travel bug, Part II.”
Bone Voyage: an inoculation against the Travel Bug, Part I.
When I was seventeen, freshly graduated from high school, I wanted to travel the world. I craved adventure. I wanted to hop trains in Germany, float down… Read more “Bone Voyage: an inoculation against the Travel Bug, Part I.”
Baby’s First Bachelor Pad.
In my apartment, our landlord has seen fit to call the shared wifi signal “LovelyView.” She’s not wrong, I guess. The house looks out over one of… Read more “Baby’s First Bachelor Pad.”